One of my dear friends mention last week that Bonnie Raitt is coming to the Ravinia this summer and looking forward to hearing her sing.  There is one particular song that she sings that I love written by Mike Reid and Allen Shamblin that was a huge hit, "I can't make you love me."  Like so many songs that bring back good and sometimes bad memories, you can't get it out of your head until you can talk it through, whether on paper or with someone.  So in April 2013, I decided to put my thoughts about this song on paper and now I'm sharing it with you.

In 1991 a popular song "I can't make you love me", written by Mike Reid and Allen Shamblin was a huge hit.  The idea for the song came to Reid while reading an article about a man arrested for getting drunk and shooting at his girlfriend's car. The judge asked him if he had learned anything, to which he replied, "I learned, Your Honor that you can't make a woman love you if she don't."   The lyrics written by Reid are powerful in particular "I'll close my eyes and then I won't see the love you do not feel, when you're holding me."  Damn! A description of what most of us does when we know that we are in a loveless relationship; we just close our eyes and hope for the best.  What a sacrifice we give to avoid not feeling alone.  The strongest women, the best of men has experience rejection - it is mind boggling how love influences our lives.  But I guess it's part of our DNA, we were created specifically to love, sometimes we get it right, then sometimes we get it so wrong. 

Love for some comes too soon whereas for others later in life. For me, it was too soon, having someone love you without understanding the meaning of it has devastated me later in my life.  I guess there is something to the saying "with youth we learn, with age we understand."  Sometimes it feels hopeless in finding love again.  Now, everything starts to make sense, you think about your past relationships to measure which one had good intentions.  For me, it took me back to my first relationship, I have never had another to love me as much, want so much for me and most of all, I was his priority.  He was my best supporter, he encouraged me, and he was my mentor, my first lover and my best friend. With that said, he was more like a father figure and not being raised by my dad, I could only imagine that is how dad’s treated their daughter(s).  So I searched for something to compare to my relationship with him, and found I had the best the first time around.  Huh, life experiences, I learned, but a little too late.  So I moved on and every once in a while I thought about that love and realized it’s like a high, and like any other first experience, you never get it again, so I didn't chase it.  There were other loves in my life, just different; but everyone remembers their first love, rather it was good or bad.  And no matter how much we tell ourselves there is no need for relationship(s), we all hunger for it, even if in silence.

I wish there was an easy way to fix heartaches, but I guess it has been visited from the beginning of time, like when man broke God's heart with sin.  He could have started over, but instead He sent His Son, Jesus Christ to die for our sins that we may live (I'm not being preachy, that is what I happen to believe.)  Too bad man can't be forgiving like that, giving second chances without conditions and/or motives.  So this baggage that we carry follows us through life, not trusting, "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me" attitude.  We are missing so much living because of our pain, I'm not saying to open your heart to everyone that you meet because everyone does not deserve a front roll seat in your life, but sometime we rope off too many rolls so we can't be reached.  Life can be so hard at time, and being hurt is always devastating, sometimes we push forward waiting for the right pay-back to some un-expecting victim; whereas other times we learn the lesson "I can't make you love me".  Once getting past the pain, regardless how long it takes, reach out to that person and if you both have matured, then it would be a conversation of a life time, asking all the hard questions and each taking on their responsibility of the failed relationship.  Give one another a chance to apologize, so you both can live a healthy life style mentally, physically and spiritually.  I had that opportunity to do just that after 20 years of not talking or seeing my first love and it was amazing.  It's has been some years since our talk and we are still friends today.  If you need closure, then go ahead and get it.  Life is too short to wonder about the past.
 

Lyrics
Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize
Don't patronize me

'Cause I can't make you love me If you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark in these final hours
I will lay down my heart, and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
And I can't make you love me
If you don't

I'll close my eyes and then I won't see
The love you do not feel, when you're holding me
Morning will come, and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then, to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight

And I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
And here in the dark in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no, you won't
And I can't make you love me
If you don't

Ain't no use in you trying
It's no good for me baby without love
All my tears, all these years, everything I believed in
Baby
Oh yeah
Someone's gonna love me